I have a huge knot in my stomach and I don't know what to do to get rid of it. It's a combination of feelings, contradictory at times. Uncertainty, desire to escape, hope, fear, repulsion, idyllic romanticism, naivety, desire to conform with the standard but at the same time to hell with most things. Sometimes I feel like a stupid child waiting on someone to show up and teach me the ways of the world. I don't know. Sometimes (each day) I desire to be completely alone, though I want to experience love I seem to want to run from it, too. All I do most days is sit on my bed and read and I like it though I do wonder whether I am being apathetic? Ramble on.